Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
