I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
