Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I did not marry a roomba.
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