apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
