I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
