I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
you inspire me to be a worse person
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
