He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Randomize
