she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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