He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
