Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
