mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
