your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Randomize
