C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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