i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Just invented taco cereal.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
