I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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