so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
