I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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