I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
