Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
