you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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