every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
