its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
