Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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