i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
