he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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