dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
