Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
