Can i not drive my cunt home
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
