very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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