is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
