New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
