Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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