I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
farters have to be the big spoon...
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize