so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
