Jerry, you need to find god
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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