im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
