I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
