I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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