I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
