Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
the day after is always just damage control
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
