Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
