And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize