Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
