I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
