He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
