uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
