somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
So many bounce houses so little time
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
