Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
