is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize