Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
