Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
