i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
