The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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