kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize