I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
