You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
