I just gift wrapped bread.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Houston, we have a blender
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
