In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Even my vagina gasped.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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