Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
