i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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