oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
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