Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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