I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
