Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You need a sexual gate keeper
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
i believe in u and ur pee
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
