I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
