from now on my penis is your penis
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize