Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize