now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
