My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
