I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
