alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
