I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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